flying jitters

yesterday, i tried blogging about my fear of flying, and before i could post anything, i had already lost all my writing somewhere. and i was so upset that i did not attempt to rewrite. here is basically what i wrote:

that i hate flying, that no matter how many times i fly a year, i can never get used to it; that i could not sleep well thinking of my trip to Cuba and the flying; that i wish i could sleep through the flying, especially when the turbulence is inevitable and the flying attendant and passengers seem to think nothing is going wrong despite the fact that the drinks are flying through the air as the plane (in my mind) is going down! (oh, god, i promise i will be kind to my sister & my dog...please help me); that flying is like those bad nightmares where you have no control of your actions;
it is like waiting in that long line for the rollercoaster, although i am scared out of my wits; and as the line shrinks and my turn approaches i get more nervous and i want to go the bathroom or make up an excuse to flee; and then when they finally strap you into that mechanical monster, the anticipation, the agony of those seconds as you climb the climax you are about to fall from, as you hear every sound of that track and wonder if all is well mechanically, ...And then, the fall! i regret every moment before that fall.
such is my experience of flying--that terrible regret i feel as we take off. and finally when the wheels hit the runway in some foreign land, i feel blessed to experience another survived near-death experience, and the magic and madness of a new land.

Me cai esta manhana

I use my dad's old man's bike to ride my ass to the park in the mornings when possible for a walk or a run. It gives me a chance to pray, to reflect, to spend some time exercising which helps my back and other health concerns.
So I got up, con mucha flojera, knowing that once I was done w/ my jog I would feel like a million dollars, and I rode to the park. It was nice and cool outside. I love riding there and seeing how the trees are changing from when I went there during the summer. And I sometimes stop by the beautiful garden at the park to relax a bit. the usual people greeted me as they walked by.

Then, I was finally done running half hour without dying and unlocked my dad's bike. It's so old, but it's realiable, and my dad and I are sure that if someone saw the bike there without chain & lock, people would still not dare steal it. It's so ugly. Pero le tenemos mucho carinho. My father uses it to go to el mandado to the local fruteria. It used to have a basket in front where he would carry groceries, but Bruno did away w/ it. He said it made my dad look mas viejillo. (not that my dad is stylin' now without the basket!). So anyways, I unlocked the bike and was riding away, when all of a sudden the seat came completely off! and i lost my balance and landed on the cement! I scraped my knee and my hand. and I was pissed off! I got home and I told my dad to deshacerse de esa chingadera. He laughed. My mom said, how dare you say that! Just get a new seat... a mi tambien me van a querer tirar porque estoy vieja? (Happy B-day, Mommy!! Today is her day!). So, I took a shower, and when I came out my dad helped me curar my cuts w/ some cream & some curitas. I wonder what will happen to the bike de la canasta now?

viajar

on saturday we finally went to see "diarios de motocicleta." although one of my motives was to see gaelito, i also wanted to know more about el che.
it was a good movie, and although i was not terribly impressed by it, i was inspired. i realized that many of us find out about our own roots later on in our life because we don't learn it in school. some of us are lucky enough to come across facts that open our eyes to the state of Latin America and our home countries. and the anger that grows from that realization is what drives us to seek some sort of justice around us.
this is what i saw in the movie. if you have a chance to see it, you won't regret the breathtaking scenery and the beginnings of che's consciousness.

...welcome, guiam fans!

i imagine everyone that responded is undoubtedly an ardent guiam fan and also a member of the ILOG (international likers of guiam) club. guiam was quite pleased to find such a great response to her blog. and i must add that it is quite exciting for me, too. at any rate, this blog world will help guiam post any news on the coyote hunting business and other goodies.

on another note, i didn't go to work today. for some reason, eventhough i deny that i am stressed i still feel like i'm rushing. my heart is racing right now, as i type this thing. b/c i feel like i have a ton of things to do. & you know that this was the reason i had not started a blog or read anyone else's stuff: b/c i was too overwhelmed w/ everything else. and now that some of the stuff is out of the way, like that damned graduate class i had to teach for my advisor last week, and like the meetings w/ committee members for which i got comments back for my work... i still feel like i'm drowning. i'm sure most people can relate. but i don't want to be caught up in this madness of overworking myself and doing things too fast. in one of our "profound" conversations, bone said that living fast was like eating too fast--you don't savor the food or enjoy it. i said: that's one of the most greatest things you've ever said, bone. she was happy that i agreed. i tend to quote her (or even myself), and other common figures that happen to stumble on obvious but great analogies. so, if you find yourself rushing, like i often do: i stop and think, if i crash right now, i don't want the last thing i ever felt to be a sense of hurry to do some trivial thing.

my first one

Finally...
I had been telling everyone that I would soon create a blog...y nunca se daba la ocasion. I'm at the cafe again. the ritz. Trying to get my lesson planned for tomorrow's class and daydreaming up a storm, thinking of going to Cuba and to Mexico, and thinking... trivialidades. My existential mood erupts once again, after being dormant for months. I haven't written for myself in months it seems. Thesis, classes, reports, projects, data. pure excitement, huh?

more goodies to come...