flying jitters

yesterday, i tried blogging about my fear of flying, and before i could post anything, i had already lost all my writing somewhere. and i was so upset that i did not attempt to rewrite. here is basically what i wrote:

that i hate flying, that no matter how many times i fly a year, i can never get used to it; that i could not sleep well thinking of my trip to Cuba and the flying; that i wish i could sleep through the flying, especially when the turbulence is inevitable and the flying attendant and passengers seem to think nothing is going wrong despite the fact that the drinks are flying through the air as the plane (in my mind) is going down! (oh, god, i promise i will be kind to my sister & my dog...please help me); that flying is like those bad nightmares where you have no control of your actions;
it is like waiting in that long line for the rollercoaster, although i am scared out of my wits; and as the line shrinks and my turn approaches i get more nervous and i want to go the bathroom or make up an excuse to flee; and then when they finally strap you into that mechanical monster, the anticipation, the agony of those seconds as you climb the climax you are about to fall from, as you hear every sound of that track and wonder if all is well mechanically, ...And then, the fall! i regret every moment before that fall.
such is my experience of flying--that terrible regret i feel as we take off. and finally when the wheels hit the runway in some foreign land, i feel blessed to experience another survived near-death experience, and the magic and madness of a new land.